she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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