Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
