dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
