Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize