So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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