That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
