You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
