My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize