Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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