what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
