so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
