I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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