Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
