cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize