I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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