it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
