he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
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Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
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Dude, that was like bongs ago.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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