he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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