i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
