they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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