I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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