please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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