$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
