i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
