i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
