Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
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I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
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You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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