im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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