At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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