Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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