piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
