dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Please don't give away my fajitas
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
