Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
