Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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