she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
All the doctor said was why
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
