Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
