a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
