We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
