I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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