She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
