i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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