that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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