watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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