My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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