Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
