I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
