cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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