you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
