bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
