i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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