Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
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I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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