My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
