dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
