if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
