Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
