My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
