Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
