I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
